My Parents
Well let's see, my mum, the scientist, and my dad, the doctor.
Obviously from that you can see they've got high expectations of me. Both want me to go into Med as well as I do (so it's no pressure there). But it can be difficult at times, no room for compromise, if I get a 92 (B), why'd you get a B. If I get a 95, good...but why'd you miss five points! And so on. Don't get me wrong I love my parents as we all grow up to but I find myself sometimes at ends with them.
When it comes to boys (in general) it's usually quite uncomfortable. They categorize "dating" as not part of our culture and part of the american culture, and often link it with sex, and unwanted pregnancies (usually my mum talking, I stay away from my dad on this topic... ;) ) Since it takes only a matter of a second for this reply to come up, I usually dont talk about it. Now with Prom it's the same thing, it's "american" again. And the usual backlash comes )out...ever since I've heard about prom in maybe 7th or8th grade. But recently I talked with my mum and I think she's going to be letting me go to my senior prom (so why am I complaining) but i'm not sure. My mum I love very much but she has all these ideas of prom that are wrong. It's just a night I want to spend with my friends, dress up nicely, and have fun. No premarital sex for me or drinking (its chaperoned for goodness sakes!) If she'll let me go to prom and not afterprom I'll be cool with it!
I have a friend I've asked already to go with, but told him I haven't really convinced my parents or talked with them at all about it (prom's in a month) and he's ok with it as well. So also I need to convince them I'm going wiht someone as a friend not as a "date" even tho we call it that anyways. He's a nice person, and really sweet and just I'd hate for this to backlash on me now after I asked him.
So that's my situation.
posted by KT @ 9:48 AM
4 Comments:
so true girl..in the race to look "orthodox and cultured" our brainless society imposes so many baseless and hypocritic rules..and sadly our parents get caught in that web. but even sadder is the fact that the younger generation also goes on the same track despite knowing deep down within its all crap. i have been trying to talk about these things, but the response i get is dismal - in the end those who talk against are branded devilish :)
Oh-kay. First of all... I'm not a parent so I don't have a parental view (maybe just a little common sense). I think the first thing that your parents are trying to do is protect you. You're their child before anything else. Customs, traditions and religion... before all of those, you're their child. This time in life that you're at... it's a difficult time not just for you - but for them too. They realise that pretty soon, the little child who has been the centre of their world will need to spread her wings and fly free. It's a difficult thing to think about... but it's something every single parent encounters.
So, from your point of view... you need to demonstrate maturity and understanding. You have to explain to your parents that you understand their viewpoint and what they want from you but also that you have to live in this world which is constantly changing. NOT going to Prom is going to make you different. Tell them, you don't want to be different. You just want to spend time with your friends doing what it is that friends do. Explain frankly to your Mom you have NO intention of moving along the 'boys' route just yet. But explain to her that to attend Prom you must have a "date". Ask if your parents would be willing to meet your friend and explain to your friend that it's important he makes an effort to dress right, be nice etc.
Sometimes in this life Keerti, we may not agree with our parents (and indeed any individual out there) but often a compromise is required. I understand what the previous poster has written about hypocrisy... but the truth also is, you don't and can't live with your parents' world view. Only they have that view. It's up to you to demonstrate to them that you can be trusted and to compromise. To be open and show them what your intentions are - and to then STICK with that... which means not going off to the after prom stuff etc. This will mean also then making a compromise with your peers. You need to go 50/50 each way.
I'm amazed that at 16 you're this mature to see all this. I have a 32 year old Sister and she isn't this mature even now!
:o)
girl, i sooo know what you are talking about. As for it's not our culture its american, try to reason with them, tell them that "you know we do live in america and if I am to survive and have friends here and not be completely ostracized i'd like to partake in so american socializing. repressing me like this is only going to make me rebel and retaliate in ways you wouldn't like.... you should know that being a doctor et al (unless hes a phd in somehing like bio chem, in which case he wouldn't get it)!"
ok maybe that was a bad bit of advice. I'l tell you what I did. I used my sister to cover my ass and did everything. Got caught a few times but now i'm too old and in hindsight all of this seems really silly. As for the posessive-protective attitude of parents, its cos they care (which i thought was mostly about themselves then). sorry i am of no help but know i empathise with u :)
U donot believe iam in India , Iam sorry iam not in Indian working somewhere else . I face same situation my elder sis is elder to me by 5 years. I have to travel from this place and i went last year thats is in NOV 2005 i did not tell them because i had to surprise them . This time iam going to meet my chat friend in Bangalore i will fly to Bangalore but will not inform them and again surprise hope i will not be caught ... I donot know what will happen . Iam not going to date that guy nothing i will meet spend time and the same day return home with him because it is going to be night . I will not take him home as my mom see that guy she will kill me .. I will ask him to take very next bus and go back to bangalore but i will go home .. No idea he wants me to stay with one of his friend she is working there itseems in Bangalore the same company where he is working ..lets see pray that things go fine ..just seek GOD's mercy iam not going to do anything wrong but at the same time it is sin that iam not going to reveal at home ..
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